W had to attend a communications seminar at his work - and I have been listening to the audio CDs they gave to him. At one point there is a discussion about 3 Clever Stories that we start telling/using when we are having a problem with a person to justify our withdrawal from them/working things out. The purpose of our Clever Stories is to make us feel good about doing "bad" - about not getting to "dialogue" with them, about blaming someone else rather than taking responsibility for what we individually can do in the situation. And we assign motive.
The first is Victim. You know this one - "It's not my fault". The second is Villain - it's all YOUR fault, it's all YOUR vices." This one lets us feel no responsibility. It makes a "I'm a Victim" story more convincing. I contains certain elements of truth, but blows it out of proportion. The third and last is Helpless - "there are no alternatives", and we often become silent/withdraw from the person(s) or become or what the authors call violent - we hurl insults, bully, namecall, etc.
Sometimes we do all three at the same time. I thought it was an interesting way to sort it out, and of course was reminded of Matthew 18 - that when we have an issue with someone or know that someone has issue with us Jesus says to go do what? Have dialogue with them about it . . .
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