The Trick is Finding People Who Want to Listen to Your Stories

"Oh, before we go I want to tell you a really funny story," Lawrence says. And I think that, in a way, that's all that public speaking is: it's just standing up and telling people your stories. And maybe the trick in life is just finding the people you want to tell your stories to? And finding people who want to listen to your stories and tell you theirs, too? . . ."Ha!" I hear around the table . . no one can stop laughing, and then neither can I. I think, through all the laughter, in addition to finding people who will listen to your stories, and who will tell you theirs, the gravy in all of that, the cherry on the ice cream, is that some of those people will make you laugh too."

Pug Hill, by Alison Pace

All You Have Is Your Current Circumstances

I heard a speech one time about about satisfaction and fulfillment not being dependent on our circumstances, and it really resonated with me. The person making the speech also pointed out that people are afraid to be content with their present circumstances because they think that means their circumstances will never change (and if they don't like their circumstances, then they think if they become content, then they'll just be in that unsatisfactory spot.) But in the end, all we really have is current circumstances. We don't have yesterday, we don't have tomorrow, just us and our current circumstances. We can create possibility and "live into" a future of possibility, but all we really have is current circumstances. And no matter what our circumstances, we can have satisfaction and fulfillment, because that is based on our integrity (honoring our word) not external things.

Guest in His tent

My friend Shonda wrote this - I thought it was wonderful:

I am studying, and in paragraph 5 the article is referencing Ps 15:1-5 after mentioning that there are qualities that Jehovah especially values. In verse 4 (I think) one quality is "he has sworn to what is bad for himself and yet he does not alter"....

This made me think about marriage. When you get married you take a vow, yet, sometimes it turns out to be something "bad" for yourself. So, when you keep your word, in spite of that, you are being a person that is a friend to Jehovah, that can be a guest in his tent. For some reason it struck me as something very proactive and strong and dignifying. We respect someone who keeps their word in spite of circumstances. It is the other face of endurance. It is active, not passive. You are being the type of person that Jehovah wants to associate with. Because of what you do, you are one of a pretty small group that has been invited inside the tent of the ruler of the universe. You are very special, one of the privileged few.

I am now picturing a large tent in the desert, the tent of the sheikh. Filled with colorful and luxurious rugs and pillows and lanterns and terrific middle eastern food. And you are invited in because the sheikh has noticed you from the throngs and wants to talk with you. He has seen your actions, he has been watching you, he likes what he sees. Then, as you enjoy his company and the warmth of his tent while the wind howls outside, you begin to eat baklava and drink tiny cups of strong coffee. Maybe even goat cheese, since they love goats in the middle east.Lol

Self-Esteem Evaluation

Barksdale Self-Esteem Evaluation

I don’t feel anyone else is better than I am.
___ 2. I am free of shame, blame or guilt.
___ 3. I am a happy, carefree person.
___ 4. I have no need to prove I am as good or better than others.
___ 5. I do not have a strong need for people’s attention and approval.
___ 6. Losing does not upset me or make me feel “less than” others.
___ 7. I feel warm and friendly toward myself.
___ 8. I do not feel others are better than I am because they can do things
better, have more money, or are more popular.
___ 9. I am at ease with strangers and make friends easily.
___ 10. I speak up for my own ideas, likes and dislikes.
___ 11. I am not hurt by other’s opinions or attitudes.
___ 12. I do not need praise to feel good about myself.
___ 13. I feel good about others’ good luck and winning.
___ 14. I do not find fault with my family, friends or others.
___ 15. I do not feel I must always please others.
___ 16. I am open and honest and not afraid of letting people see my real self.
___ 17. I am friendly, thoughtful and generous towards others.
___ 18. I do not blame others for my problems and mistakes.
___ 19. I enjoy being alone with myself.
___ 20. I accept compliments and gifts without feeling ashamed or “less than”
___ 22. I feel no need to defend what I think, say or do.
___ 23. I do not need others to agree with me or tell me I’m right.
___ 24. I do not brag about myself, what I have done, or what my family has or
does.
___ 25. I do not feel “put down” when criticized by my friends or others.

Integrity

Somewhere I think I have already posted this, but Landmark explains integrity with an illustration that has really stuck with me. Integrity is honoring your word, which is greater than keeping your word. How can that be? An example - I am sure I have already said this, but I gave my word to my Dad that I would care for him as he began falling apart (he had dementia and Parkinson's). I gave him my word I would not put him in a nursing home. However, as his dementia progressed, to honor my word to take care of him, I actually did have to put him in a secure dementia facility because he was becoming dangerous to himself and others.

Anyway, in keeping our integrity or being complete, we honor our word - both what we say and what is expected (for instance, if we have a child we may never say to them we will provide for them and guide them, but it is "expected" as a parent that we honor even the unsaid - that we would care for the child emotionally and physically. Or another example might be that we don't cheat on our spouse - not because we said we wouldn't but because we are honoring our word, our vow to them . .

The illustration about integrity was a bike wheel. Our integrity is like a bike wheel with the spokes. It is complete. But if we start yanking out spokes, it becomes weaker, and it is no longer complete, it will collapse eventually. That is like us. If we start to yank spokes out - we do not keep our integrity - we become weaker, quit working and performing like we should or could, are not as successful . .

Book Recommendations

Some of these books I have had on my "Books I am Reading" section of my Blog - I don't want to lose them as recommendations, so I am posting them for you in case you are looking for something good to read.

1. The Marriage Bureau for Rich People - can't remember the author just at the moment - he is an author from India. Fab book - if you like Alexander McCall Smith, you will love this book and learn a LOT about Indian culture. An man from India and his wife start a marriage bureau because although marriages are arranged in India, young people want more of a say about to whom it is they are betrothed so the Marriage Bureau for Rich People is sort of the "dating"/marriage service for them. The family tells the Marriage Bureau what sort of person the family is looking for (what caste, what jobs)and the single person gets to make some input too and look at pictures/profiles of others looking for mates too. LOVED it.

2. The Charming Quirks of Others by Alexander McCall Smith - the latest in his Isabel Dalhousie series, my favorite series of his. I want to be Isabel, the way she is, smile. You could read this particular book out of sequence, it doesn't matter

3. A Guide to the Birds of East Africa by Nicholas Drayson, very good - set in Kenya - unexpectedly delightful. Malik, the main character, and his nemesis have a contest to see who can identify the most birds in Kenya in one week. The prize? The winner gets to invite Rose Mbikwa to a dance . . .sounds corny, I know - it was really good. It also touches on the subject of AIDS and the taboo of talking about it in Africa - and the main character also gets car jacked basically. Great read.

4. Baking Cakes in Kigali was a recommendation by Shonda. This book is tremendous. The main character, Angel, bakes cakes for special ocassions - and you get to meet all of the people in her community via the cakes she is asked to make. It is set in Rwanda and really highlights the recovering from the genocide between the Ttusi's and the Hutu's. I learned a lot while I enjoyed the read.

Satan Gave Jesus a "Visual"

Today in the WT study someone made a comment about the strength and seduction power of "visuals" and noted that Satan didn't just describe the kingdoms of the world when he wanted to tempt Jesus with them - he took him to a place to SHOW him the kingdoms/give him a visual because what we see visually can have such an impact on us. I thought it was a very insightful and true observation.

On the lighter side of things, when talking about modesty and what we wear, one person said not to wear a "BowWow" dress - what it that? It is a dress that when you "Bow" the boys say, "Wow". Smile.

Moving from Knowing to Being - How?

How do we move from knowing something to being something? I heard a speech on this that I would like to share. For instance, you could read a dozen books on how to be a mountain climber and have that knowledge, but then you have to move from "knowing" how to be a mountain climber to "being" a mountain climber. Or in my case, how do I move from "knowing" how to be a healthful eater and keeping my weight stable? I "know" what to do . . .

So in our lives, when we want to move from knowing to being, how do we do that? Think about something that you already are - for instance, you are married. You don't have to think about how to be married, you just are. And the instant you act in a way that is NOT married, you know it. So look through a movie camera and describe how it is to "be" married - you might say things like in the morning you get your spouse's coffee, or while he or she is away at work you clean up the house, when he or she comes home you ask him/her about her day, you go to the store together and so on. You can "see" it.

So then, if you want to think about how you move from knowing to being in the present for anything you want to be then do the same. Pretend you have a movie camera. What does it look like when you are a _____? What sort of things do you say and or do? How do you act ? And how do you NOT act or what things DON'T you do?

Even when you are unsure in a situation, this is always a good mental exercise - in a nanosecond to think about going from what you might know to how you then need to "be". It's true with everything.

I find it fascinating that the scripture says in Romans 12:2, ". . . but be transformed by making your mind over" - the scripture doesn't say be "changed" but be "transformed" because we "become" a different person because we have changed what we "know", what is in our minds, and then we move from knowing it to being it.

Brewers

Currently I am reading Last Call: The Rise and Fall of Prohibition by Daniel Okrent. I have learned some interesting things about some of the anti-prohibitionists, yep, you guessed it, the beer brewers. But look at the things I have found out about names I have heard for decades:

pg. 31, "The most forceful advocate of the brewers' anti-Prohibition campaign was the most accomplished man in the industry, Adolphus Busch. The youngest of twenty-one children of a prosperous Rhineland merchant . . . in 1861 at twenty-two, married Lilly Anheuser, the daughter of one of his customer. . . Busch was a genuine visionary. Where others saw brewing as a fairly straightforward business, he saw it as the core of a vertically integrated series of businesses. He built glass factories and ice plants. He acquired railway companies to ferry coal from mines he owned in Illinois . . .got into the business of manufacturing refrigerated rail cars . . . He paid one million dollars for exclusive U.S. to a novel engine technology developed by his countryman Rudolf Diesel . . .

Pg. 32, "In 1875 Busch produced thirty-five thousand barrels of beer; by 1901 his annual output - primarily of a light lager named for the Bohemian town of Budweis - surpassed a million barrels."

Famous Last Words

I periodically get out a little book I have called Famous Last Words and read the entry about Conrad Hilton, the hotel giant. It tickles me, I don't know why, just so funny and unexpected to read what his last words were. Here is an excerpt from the book:

Born in San Antonio, New Mexico, Hilton began his career by renting out rooms in his adobe home. He took a job as a local bank cashier, eventually purchased a bank of his own and later assumed control of a small hotel in Cisco, Texas, in 1919. Over the next sixty years, he built an international hotel empire. On his deathbed in 1979, Hilton was asked if he had any last words of wisdom. He did.

"Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub."
Conrad Hilton